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Cheese in a Can
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Date:2004-10-14 16:36
Subject:my my my...
Mood: silly

New developments, while I have time:

Wayne and I are history I guess, having not spoken for 3 weeks, for no real reason other than that we're both pathetic and we're both waiting for the other to do it. I was the last one to text him so I feel I am exempt of any responsibility. I am deliberately not thinking about it.
Ross & Nix left on Sept 30th. We went around to Melrose for their farewell dinner, but I left early because I knew they were going to get on it. After I said goodbye to them I cried all the way home. Pathetic, but I miss them both. I miss Ross like my left arm man. Didn't think I would this much.
Dad's leaving on Monday to go home to NZ. In 3 months I will be there too :)
I have earache.
I'm wearing jeans at work today.
I really want a spliff. But I have spanish tonight so I can't. Sigh.
That's all!

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Date:2004-09-17 15:28
Subject:the weekend has landed
Mood: bouncy

..Feeling.. Dishevelled
..Wanting.. To get twisted
..Wearing.. Black pinstripe pants, wooly grey jumper, my funky pink & black Vans.
..Listening To.. Airbase - Genie
..Smelling.. Paul's disgusing ARSE
..Quote Me.. The day that I die is the day that I'll shut my mouth and put down my guitar.

WICKED! This has been the most ass-fucked week. I am sooooooo glad its over. Flavia is away which means Lucy and I do three times as much work each, which means I get all pre-menstrual and angry, and my workmates get scared of me, which makes me feel guilty. Hey, we can't all be on all the time I guess.

Tonight it's Shanon's birthday thingie at the Elbow Room in Shoreditch. I have never been to Shoreditch, so it might be interesting. I'm pretty sure I am going to get very, very fucked up tonight, and I'm really looking forward to it. Since when am I not looking forward to getting fucked up though, eh... Meh.

Last night I went round to Tamz's and Ross cooked us Thai food. I was really tired, so I'm afraid I wasn't in quite the right mood for visitors. The fact that I had to do the dishes as soon as I got to MY SISTER'S house kinda pissed me off. You get invited round for dinner and then have to clean the kitchen before it gets cooked? Fuck that. I suppose I really am just part of the furniture in that house though, so it doesn't really matter that much.

This morning at work Paul clipped his fingernails and deliberately tried to get the clippings to land on me. Then he picked his nose and wiped his findings on my desk. After that he lifted one arse cheek and farted at me while holding up a plastic megaphone to his anus. Absolutely charming. He's lucky I'm not exactly the most normal of girls or he would probably be missing a testicle right about now. I guess living with Ross, Tom & Clay for so long kinda desensitised me to the whole gross boy thing. Sometimes I shock my workmates with the crap that comes outta my mouth. Anyway, on the Paul issue, I dunno how at ease I am with this. We get on really well and have a great laugh, but he's sort of starting to take the piss a bit. Getting me to make him coffees and things, which I don't mind doing, but at the same time it sort of seems like one way traffic. I got a bit pissed off at him yesterday, over a completely hypothetical situation - I was talking about skiving off work and ducking out somewhere to have a cheeky spliff in a joking way, and he said 'Yeah ok, let's go'. I replied that he'd have to supply us because I'd run out and he said 'Oh sorry then, we can't cos I'm saving it for a special occasion.' I guess I overreacted, getting a bit shirty about that stingy response, but how many times have I let Doug roll monster spliffage out of MY stash when we're out on the piss after work? Bit of give and take here people, weed is not cheap, especially when you're on my salary. Motherfucker. Anyway, I won't be bringing my weed out next time I go out with the workmates. I'll just take pills instead and have a laugh of my own without the aid of weed. Also on the Paul subject, Patrick emailed me today after Paul and I went down to the shop together and said this: 'I noticed, though I could be wrong, some tenderness between you and Paul.. am I right?' I just emailed back saying 'No, we're just mates, why?' but I haven't had any reply. Meh. We do get on well and I like him very much, probably wouldn't say no if the opportunity arose, but its not gonna cos he's got a girlfriend. And I'm on my way to having a boyfriend I guess. </p>

Michael on the other hand is blatantly trying it on with me. It freaks me out. I'm not used to someone being so in-your-face about wanting to fuck me. The thing is, I know that's precisely what it is. He wants to add another name to the list of girls at work he's fucked - and I flat-out refuse. The weird thing about him is that he's really not attractive at all, but he's got this incredibly convincing and charming way of talking to you that kinda makes you go 'I wonder what it would be like..' But it only takes a second for you to slap some sense into yourself. I mean, I can't count the amount of girls in my office I KNOW he's slept with on one hand. For the moment he's pretty much kept the flirting to email and once or twice he's stuck his hand between my legs - dodgy fuck. I'm not having a bar of it though, I actually can't think of anything more humiliating.

Well I seem to be writing some pretty damn pointless entries these days, probably because just as I get going I cut them short. Nevermind though, one of these day's I'll write an actual one that blows everyone away and I'll feel so proud. Haha. Not. Anyway, I'm off to finish off my work. Two and a half hours to go, yeehaa. :)

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Date:2004-09-15 10:23
Subject:ever seen fire at zero gravity? it's beautiful...
Mood: mellow

How long have I been here? Feels like forever. But it feels like not even ten seconds has passed since the first time I felt the bass pulsing, buzzing in my chest, filling me with that familiar sense of anticipation as the sound builds. It's hot, I'm sweating and my body is tingling all over.. water. There's a crowd gathering, faceless friends and those who will become my family for the night. I know them, they don't know me, but we've been brought together by the sounds.. so many sounds. Pulsing, driving, scorching. My feet probably hurt but I can't feel it, my body's a part of the music, going on, and on. I can feel every little chemical reaction in my brain, affected, in love with the music... I can't stop, don't think I'll ever stop. Eyes closed, smiling, not caring, feeling nothing but pure and utter euphoria as the sounds intertwine perfectly, goosebumps breaking out on exposed flesh... the music building, getting bigger, fatter, until it's a tsunami, a wall of sound bearing down upon me, and crashing over me in a frenzy of full-bodied ecstasy.

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Date:2004-09-13 17:25
Mood: sore

I am so incredibly tired. Meaning totally body-tired. I just want to collapse into my bed and stay there for five or six days emerging only to eat and shit, and piss too clearly otherwise it'd get mighty rank in there. On Friday I actually managed to have a really quiet night in with Tamz. We cooked ourselves dinner and ate that, then I went upstairs with Chris to listen to him have a mix. He played this tune that I heard ages ago but have never been able to figure out what it was called or who it was by - Lustral - Everytime, and I just fell in love with it. It actually gives me goosebumps when I listen to it. He also played Liberation by Matt Darey, which I've always loved. Glad to be reminded of it though, I keep forgetting which tunes I want to buy. I didn't have a mix myself because I was stoned out of my head and I can't really coordinate myself when I'm like that. After that I went downstairs and we watched Old School again, I love that movie... 'WE'RE STREAKING!' ahaha... I fell asleep some time towards the end of it. When we got up on Saturday we spent most of the morning in the kitchen smoking endless amounts of pot. I had planned to leave to go home and change early on, before anyone got up and offered me a spliff, but I obviously didn't because at 1pm I was still sitting there in my pyjamas smoking and eating toast. It was actually a supremely relaxing day, sort of like the calm before the storm. We rocked up at the Crown at around 7 after some special coffees. Crosby, Burt and Shimo were all playing. I only caught the end of Crosby's set but he wasn't happy with it - apparently he got too twisted before he arrived and had a total mare, but what I heard sounded good. As usual Burt and Shimo were absolutely dead-on. I spent most of the time dancing as usual and wandering around saying hello to various people I hadn't seen for ages. Oh yeah, on another note regarding Shimo, he's going into the studio soon to make his own vocal trance tune... and he asked me to do some vocals for it! Wicked! After the Crown, Tamz, Sam and I caught the tube down to Brixton. We were running late because Tamz took forever to finish her game of pool, and Shanon was of course freaking out about being at Nath's party by himself when he didn't really know anyone. He was all good by the time we arrived though, quite drunk I think because he'd been in Brighton all day with Jase and co. Anyway, I had an absolute ball at the party. It was in this actual club in Brixton that Anna said in her email invite was 'newly refurbished'... I think it should have read 'being refurbished' because it was pretty ratty and didn't look all that great even in the dim/psychotic episode inducing lights. But that wasn't really important. We had a whole club to ourselves and it was full of friends and people we knew. So fuck it, it was all good. When we arrived Roosta was playing a really nice trancey set, but it wasn't really doing it for me cos I was pilling off my head, so when Anna came on and dealt out a set of stomping hardhouse I was pretty happy. I had the grins on all night and I kept on making people laugh because I just couldn't stop smiling. At one point I went up to Nath and said 'I'm having so much fun! But my cheeks hurt cos I can't stop smiling!' and he cracked up. We left there at about half three and caught a cab (£30 for fucks sake!) to White City where the finger party (read: illegal factory rave) was. I'd actually been to that place before and I have to say it was a bit fucked. Plus when they turned the power on at the beginning of the night someone had left all the water mains turned on and the toilets flooded. In any case, when we got there, Clay had the entire place rocking. This was a big deal for Clay because it's the first time he's had anything other than first set at a finger party, and also because a guy has just approached him to represent and promote him, so this was his chance to show him what he's got. He is also a huge trance fan and he was stoked that they gave him a set to play trance so late in the night. And man did it rock... he played some absolutely amazing tunes and I danced my ass off the whole way through. Wayne turned up after I'd been there about 45 minutes. He had called me when I was getting ready to go out and danced around the subject of whether I wanted to catch up for ten minutes. I had asked him what he was up to and he told me what he was doing and then asked what I was doing. I told him, and made the decision that I would wait for him to ask this time, cos I feel like I always chase him around. He didn't ask and basically just said he'd text me later on, so I left it at that, got ready, and went on my merry way. He called me again while I was at the Crown and we had the same conversation about what he was doing and who he was with, and then he finally said 'Do you want to catch up tonight at some stage?' I told him I was going to Brixton after the Crown and then heading back to the finger party, and that I'd text him the address of the party if he wanted to come along and meet me, but I wouldn't be there till about four anyway. He was happy with that. I was pretty nervous about seeing him because it had been over a month and I was sort of thinking he had moved on or forgotten about it or whatever, but he came out and after the finger party he came back to Holly & Paul's and then to Tamz's with us. I was pretty stoked with that. Everyone thinks he is so cool and they all get on well with him. When we got back to Holly & Paul's we sat around and talked a bit of shit for a while, then Rosco and Ange started to try and wake Sheryl up, which was a bad move because she spat the dummy and kicked us all out. Funnily enough Rosco, who was the instigator, didn't even come with us. Bernie, Cali, Andy, Ange, Wayne & I went back to Tamz's and Sonia, Sam and Chris were all still up on the twist, so we joined in of course. The day is pretty blurry, I know I spent a lot of it sitting in the backyard talking absolute bollocks and making sure Wayne was ok. Apparently Berna was talking to him at one point about me, and he said 'The coolest thing about hanging out with Steph is that we are so similar and we have so much in common. She makes it really easy to be with her.' I can't stop smiling when I think about that, hehe. Anyway, I must have been on a mission that weekend because by the time 12 on Sunday afternoon rolled around I still wasn't ready for bed. I think poor Wayne had been ready since about 8 that morning but I was absolutely determined to push the envelope as far as it would go. So after giving him copious amounts of bickies and plying him with numerous spliffs, he finally couldn't stand the pace. I kept saying I was really sorry I wasn't going with him, and I was, but I knew that if I did I would have laid there in bed and stared at the ceiling and he would have passed out - it's not like he'd have been able to get it up after 24 hours sticking bickies down his throat! Not that it's all about the sex we have, it would have been nice to go with him and just lie there, but I'd just come fresh out of three very quiet weeks where I didn't go out at all, and I wanted a bender. So that's what I did. He was really fine about it, he caught a cab home and I carried on like the muppet I am. Five o'clock rolled around and it was time for us to venture out into the world, pale-faced and wild-eyed... I would imagine we would have been a pretty scary sight. Chris, Tamz and I went to the Koz to see Clay play another set. We missed the first half hour because, well, we're muppets and it took forever for us to get organised. But it was alright. Had a bit of a dance, or as much as my poor tired body would allow me. It's a shame my brain wasn't as tired. Ross was there, as was Tom, much to Tamz's disgust. We spent most of the time there just laughing at each other because we were so wrecked. Afterwards, we pushed the envelope just a tad further and went to the Basket & Brief. Jared, Jase, Tracy, etc were there. Had a few beers, magically got my like eleventh wind and leapt around the place for a while. It didn't last too long though and by about 8:30 I was ready to go, so Tamz and I went back to her house, ate a bit of dinner and watched a movie. I passed out on the couch, boo for me, and woke up at 1am - knowing I had to go to work in just 6 hours. I felt like dying because I knew I'd have to walk home first in the morning, shower, get changed, and try and look presentable (almost impossible after a 29 hour bender), then walk all the way to the tube station. To make matters worse it was pissing down with rain. I made it here anyway, only about ten minutes late. And Flavia's on holiday so I didn't get in trouble. Wicked. Well, I may have mysterious cuts and bruises in weird places and calves and feet that hurt like a motherfucker, but I definitely had a great weekend. I think I needed to blow off a little steam. The end!

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Date:2004-09-10 11:44
Subject:So then I said, kiss my asphalt...
Mood: dirty

Well well, what a beautiful day it is. I have a new journal. The old one was super-crappy, so I thought 'Hey, why don't I go down the street and buy myself one of those... uhh... you know... they have... pages... and you use a... pen? To write? Ah, fuck it, I'll just get a livejournal.'

So there you go.

What's going on then. Well I've had yet another insanely busy week. What I wouldn't give for one night at home, where I can just sit on the couch and pick my nose. I've got quite a backlog. Anyway, shall I start from last weekend? Why not.

Well it would help if I could remember what I did. Ah, yes. Mum and Dad were over visiting Tamz and I. I had work drinks on Friday, which means I got very very discombobulated. Then I had to go out to Ladbroke Grove afterwards and meet my parents and sister. I got in trouble, because I was late, but really, they knew I was drunk, they should have gone to a restaurant that WASN'T in the middle of nowhere and maybe, just maybe, I would have gotten there on time. Who am I kidding though. One thing about Ladbroke Grove - HOT GUYS! My god, so many beautiful men wandering around there. I was walking around in a permanent state of arousal. Anyway, we had thai food for dinner, drank more beer, and then went back to Tamz's. My memory fails me here, but someone told me I jumped over the fence into the neighbours yard and joined in their party. Hope I didn't scare them too much.

We got up early on Sat and went to Portobello Markets, checked out some more hotties and then met up with Berna and Sheryl. Fuck it was a funny day. Basically as soon as Berna arrived we were all like 'Ok, done with the shopping, let's go find a pub!' So we all went to the Prince Albert, Tamz and I's favourite pub (due to the fact that all the male bartenders are spunky little monkeys), in Notting Hill, and had some lunch, talked some shit. Mum and Dad really get on well with all our friends which is awesome. I guess its cos they're alcoholics like the rest of us. Ah, bonding over depressants. Gotta love it.

So anyway, Saturday night we took Mum and Dad down to the Crown for one last hoorah. Dad couldn't stand the hard house so he sat out in the beer garden all night. I was once again rather spannered so I was pretty much in my own space - I hate when I get that way, it's so anti-social. I worked out why I have been getting SO drunk and having blackouts all the time, it's cos I haven't been taking bickies or anything else, but I still drink the same amount I would if I was, which means I get completely slaughtered and end up on the floor at least once or twice during the night. So as from Saturday I was trying to drink a glass of water in between every five or six pints... haha only joking. In between every pint! :)

Mum left to go back to NZ early on Sunday morning, I had had about 3 hours sleep because I had to sleep on the floor in Tamz's lounge and people kept on doing things to me like humping me and giving me wet willies. At one point Sam came in and when I woke up he was undoing his fly. I went 'What the fuck do you think you're doing?' and he goes 'Oh damn, you woke up! I was just gonna cockslap ya on the forehead!' then he giggled and ran out of the room. I have to admit I chuckled to myself. Anyway, the point of this paragraph was... we took Mum to the airport at about 6 on Sunday morning. It was really sad, but not too bad seeing as I'm going home to see the whanau in January anyway. At least I know when I'll be seeing her again.

It was really weird, I kept hearing Mum's voice everywhere I went on the couple of days after she left, then I'd realise she's left and get a bit sad. It was kind of comforting though. The even weirder thing is that Tamz told me the exact same thing the next time I saw her. Sister sense!

In other news, this morning I got shat on by a pigeon. On the one day I decide to wear a white shirt, I get a big gross green blob down the front. Thing is, if I'd stepped like an inch further it would have landed on my forehead and trickled down my face. Most likely going into my mouth. In which case I would probably have thrown myself onto the train tracks because surely if you eat pigeon shit you will die. They're like flying rats. Is it cryptosporidiosis you get from animal shit? I think that might be mice. Maybe I just made that up. Hmm. I hate pigeons. When I went to Trafalgar Square for the first time I freaked out because they were flocking all around me. I was on my own and eventually I had to run out of there with my arms and legs flailing so they would get away from me. Got a few weird looks that day.

Anyway, I have more to write, but this is slowly deteriorating and I am at work after all, I should do some work, even though I love wasting company time. So I'm gonna make like baby and head out.


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